Most of my pieces are carefully planned out and what I choose to include is researched for meaning, but this one was more intuitive.
When I made this, I started to drive the color bars in at precisely the right points where I will be operated on or treated this year, without thinking.
“I see color bars when I come/Sergeant Rock broke the key off in the lock to where I come from/Sir, no sir, we have no power in the air/The battle's on the ground….
Everyone wants me to ride into the sun/But I ain't gonna go down/Laying low again, high on the sound”. -Elliott Smith
As a fellow night owl, I find the night blooming cereus (featured in the drawing) absolutely amazing. In the daytime, they look like unassuming cacti, but as the daylight fades, they begin to open and bloom, glowing bright white in the moonlight.
When I’m done, this drawing will include more Hawaiian landscape and foliage to express how it feels to witness the change of our external and internal landscape.
As a fellow night owl, I find the night blooming cereus (featured in the drawing) absolutely amazing. In the daytime, they look like unassuming cacti, but as the daylight fades, they begin to open and bloom, glowing bright white in the moonlight.
When I’m done, this drawing will include more Hawaiian landscape and foliage to express how it feels to witness the change of our external and internal landscape.
Spring 2020
I was sitting in the blissful ignorance of a pre-pandemic Paris at Les Deux Magots, where Hemingway did almost exactly 100 years before me, and the manager asked me to draw a building for him.
Spring 2020
Quarantine was made easier staying connected through art.
I could daydream, draw beautiful places far away, and send it to people who truly appreciate it.
Spring 2021 - Falling prey to an illusion
There is no dystopia,
only a new world.
No ruins,
only foundation.
I’m tired of
using music to travel
back in time.
I want to live here.
There is no dystopia,
only a new world.
No ruins,
only foundation.
I’m tired of
using music to travel
back in time.
I want to live here.
The Gordian Knot is a metaphor for an uncontrollable problem eventually solved by the ability to think outside the box to achieve success.
Chronic illness is unnatural. I feel ashamed to admit that aspects of my life have changed and I need to rest, ask for help, and adapt, but it’s unavoidable.
I’m learning to incorporate pacing and delegating into my days, which will mean choosing between what I spend energy on and for how long, so I can stop either isolating or exhausting myself. I am the type of person who used to always stay late and walk to the top of the hill, so pacing will take time, but I think this is the solution outside the box.
The Gordian Knot is a metaphor for an uncontrollable problem eventually solved by the ability to think outside the box to achieve success.
Chronic illness is unnatural. I feel ashamed to admit that aspects of my life have changed and I need to rest, ask for help, and adapt, but it’s unavoidable.
I’m learning to incorporate pacing and delegating into my days, which will mean choosing between what I spend energy on and for how long, so I can stop either isolating or exhausting myself. I am the type of person who used to always stay late and walk to the top of the hill, so pacing will take time, but I think this is the solution outside the box.
I read an article about how our brain works by using our memory and past experiences combined with the messages it receives from our body and the world around us to create our reality, so “reality” really is a fluid concept.
The idea that my body is deciding my reality right now and my brain is trying to decide how to spend and use my resources is disconcerting, since my body has been so unpredictable.
Fortunately, the article talked about how we can work to understand and control our emotions through learning more about how our brain works, which helps to shape our future.
Everything we do today, changes our reality tomorrow.
https://www.gq.com/story/lisa-feldman-barrett-interview
I have to fight harder to advocate for my body and its importance, because I am a young woman.
There is a surgery I need, but even after pressing the urgency and impact not having it is having on my daily life, doctors have pushed me to wait 3-4 months and give it more thought before I can even be referred to a surgeon to discuss my questions, because of my ability to have children after the surgery.
Knowing this is important, but I should not have to fight harder for what I need just because a possible life carries more weight than my own.
Quick late night sketch (early morning). The birds are already singing, but the confused rooster that lives nearby is not crowing. He will at noon, and later in the evening.
I’m confused too, rooster. This is a strange time.
I have spent the majority of my time tucked into the safety of my room. The pandemic and my health have made me feel vulnerable, like I did when I was little.
As a kid, I couldn’t hear or watch anything unsettling, because I fell into that world and couldn’t get back. I used to see “heroes” saving the day with no fear in the media, so I thought my fear meant I was weak.
I still don’t see myself as someone that would take un-calculated risks and save the day, but there is nothing wrong with being a cautious and sensitive person. Who I am has served me well as an artist and poet.
You can be brave and still be scared. The two are not mutually exclusive.
A main cause of the huge rise in autoimmune disorders is our increase in exposure to pollution.
I love how this movie navigates important messages about humanity and nature, but the “bad guys” help the down and out, the “good guys” are flawed, and Ashitaka is understanding and kind, even with his anger and desperate desire for change.
There is a strong wish to remain peaceful, despite all the destruction and loss, and I think this is ok to long for. It’s ok to dream again, for ourselves and each other. We are going to get back out in the world, so we can change what we don’t want to get back to and start new.
(I know, there’s a fine line between being optimistic and being naive, but there’s no sense in being hopeless)
I love Murakami and one of his short stories “Drive my Car”has been adapted into a film. Here is a drawing I did after watching the movie.
I know you’re tired. I know you would rather let the stream carry you down, but in the wake of destruction, we can start new.
We only have to press against the current a little while longer, until we can make it back to where we are free again, to rest and rebuild.
